Building Relationships

Well my blogging has slowed down a lot since the start of school. It is not due to a lack of material. It’s more like what I have been dealing with I could not organize my thoughts because it hurt too much to talk about.
It’s about Jack. I don’t want to go into all of details nor do I need to. All you have to do is read Tracey’s blog. She went into great detail. If you have not read it go to T-lady’s blog. Link is to the left. I think I did a very good job of handling it both professionally and personally. I did not show really how upset I was in how Jack was being handled by his new teacher. To her defense Jack was not exactly being an angel.
There are two major issues that I feel were at the front of the problem. First, communication…there is not communication log between the parents or the teachers for Jack’s grade level. The expectation is that if a child gets into trouble he is expected to inform the parents. In theory I guess this works but in reality it does not work. Sure enough Jack had a major issue in that he was pushing and shoving with another student. This resulted in him being sent to the office and the principal put Jack in ISS for one day. When I got the phone call from the teacher she explained to me that not only had Jack had this issue but that he had exhibited some other behaviors that were not acceptable according to me. The PROBLEM I had was that this was the first time that I was hearing about the issues. I understood that Jack had to go to the principal’s office. I did not agree with the ISS assignment but I UNDERSTOOD why the principal was doing it. I explained to the principal and the teacher that while I did not have a crystal ball I think that possibly had I or his mother known about Jack’s previous behavior perhaps we could have addressed it and we would not have been sitting there talking about my son going to ISS. The principal I think reluctantly agreed. The only sound I heard from him was an “Uh huh” when I finished my thought.
That whole situation was tough on all of us. My son was going to ISS the second week of school. At his previous school he had NEVER been to the principal’s office. He was NOT an angel. But his teachers both in first and in second grade knew what made Jack tick. This brings me to my second major issue.
Building relationships with children is critical. Before you start to withdraw (do discipline) with a child you need to have 3 or 4 deposits (note good things) with kids. It’s smiling at the door and shaking their hand or giving them a hug as they enter the classroom. If you capture a kids heart you have his mind (Flip Flippen). This is so true. If you have Jack’s heart. If he knows you love him. He will move mountains for you. We are in the third week of school and I have not heard one positive thing from the teacher about Jack. She did mention that he is honest when he screws up. He does not lie to them. Right now that is all I have to grasp on to. Jack’s teacher is a first year teacher and there are some instances where she has handled Jack well and I have made note of that in conversations and meetings. The problem I have is it is inconsistent. All I want her to do is give Jack some space and learn what makes him tick so that she can better handle him. Take the information I have given her. Call or email his teacher last year. Call the counselor at his previous school.
Some of the behaviors Jack is exhibiting he did last year. But why in one school does Jack never get to the office and in the other school he is in the office 3 times in the first 9 days of school? RELATIONSHIPS! His teachers took the time to work with Jack. They took into consideration what was going on in Jack’s life when they were dealing with some of his behaviors. The boy has issues that he deals with. Not many kids in his school have had to deal with the possible loss of their father with two additional serious hospital stays and a cancer scare with his mother before he turned 8. Jack handled it very well and kept his grades up but behavior wise sometimes he would act up. When Jack gets frustrated or feels cornered he often yells out. For instance: If he feels attention is being drawn to him he will blurt out. STOP LOOKING AT ME! His school this year calls that inappropriate behavior and disrespectful toward the teacher… result office referral. His school last year saw this as an inappropriate behavior and his teacher and the counselor would work with him on appropriately handling those situations and would note when he did handle those situations correctly….result decrease in behavior to the point it no longer existed.
The difference: One school is deal with the problem. The other school tries to understand WHY there is a problem. In other words if there is a fire at one school we use water to put the fire out. At the other school we use water to put the fire out and then we try to find out what caused the fire in the hopes that a fire does not reappear.
Jack is a little complicated boy when dealing with his emotions. He has been really down about school so far this year. This has been difficult to deal with as a parent. I have done a very good job of handling it professionally and by that I mean dealing with the school professionally and keeping my emotions in check. Tracey wants to keep talking about it and while I listen there are times I don’t want to talk about or hear about it because I get too depressed about it. I know what I need to know. I am going to talk to them about it at my assigned time. Can we please not rehash the facts over and over. I understand Tracey’s view in that she wants to talk about it because it is her baby and she wants to make sure I cover everything.
The other night was a dagger in the heart. I go into Jacks room and there he is with his momma and I have to hear from him about how his teacher does not like him and he is having trouble making friends and he is probably going to have to go back to ISS and he does not want to go back to ISS.
After me reassuring him that he was not going to ISS and that daddy was going to be meeting with the principal and the teacher and that everything was going to be okay he seemed to relax. I am not sure how much of it he actually believed.
Well yesterday was our meeting and I felt it was very productive for a couple of reasons. I had the opportunity to voice my opinion on the importance of building relationships with children and that discipline plans are there to act as a guide. It does not mean you HAVE to do anything. All I wanted them to do is start building a relationship with Jack. Take into account WHY Jack is misbehaving before we start making decisions on WHAT we are going to do now. I also got the ball rolling on a communication log between parent and teacher. This way we can deal with Jack appropriately on a day to day basis.
As a result of our behavior folder Jack had a very good day yesterday. Hopefully it was the first of many.
Wish us luck!
What did you say? How is Caroline? Please….that girl has been waiting for kindergarten for two years. She is off like a rocket!